I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
