she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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