I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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