they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
