I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
