And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
