I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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