Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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