The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to make a zoo with you.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Randomize
