I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
