Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize