is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
