Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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