Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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