Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
