I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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