the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He felt like a one man threesome
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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