This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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