This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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