I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The power of my boobs compel you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
