Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have feelings that need drinking.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
