im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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