i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
