dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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