Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
