Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
