Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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