I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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