Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
