it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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