I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
