Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize