More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
