It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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