Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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