I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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