I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
