he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
