i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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