what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
