can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
