i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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