Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
