I smell stomach acid.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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