member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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