ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize