dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
