found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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