Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
