You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
