Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
