So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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