I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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