Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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