The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
