You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
