You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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