I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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