i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
