I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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