i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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