Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
