U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
