I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
