i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
