I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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