In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
