did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
