Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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