i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
