dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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