12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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