college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
