I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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