you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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