Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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