Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
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