I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
