There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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