Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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