my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
