Umm I'm too high to move.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
