all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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