Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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