they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
