shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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