Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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