It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
