I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
