i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The adults are the big ones right?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
